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Wye Oak - Take It In

 
Oh baby, you’re a child

you fall asleep and I get wild

I turn to smoke when you need air

I’m sorry, baby, I don’t care

Do you never ask because you know I’ll say

“You’re the only one, please stay”

But you’re not the only one, and you know it’s only fair

When you close your eyes, who’s there?

This track on repeat. Gloomy November. Rain rain rain rain rain rain.

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Or it’s just me that does.

10.20

Perhaps the most pervasive sadness of our small and relatively short lives is the way we always manage to posture ourselves, just so, to make it impossible for any one person to actually, wholly know us.

We marginalize and compartmentalize the facts so minutely that it eventually becomes insurmountable to unveil absolutely all of it to even our most intimate of friends, lovers, family. We dole ourselves out in increments, giving little bits here and inconsequential admissions there, leaving it to our counterparts to fill in the gaps and build their own ideas of who we are. Maybe it’s more manageable this way, never giving up the whole truth absolves us, in a way, when we feel frustrated or misunderstood. The assurance that we are always right because if only someone had all the information we possess they would have no choice but to see it for what it is is. Our own reality. The only reality.

This is the greatest catch 22 of our modern age. Using the mass amount of irrelevant data available to hid ourselves further, to mix and cloud and bury the tiniest parts that we let carry weight, while we still live out our endless, exhausting search for the one, that one, who can sift it all. Who can know without knowing. Who’s worth wading thru it for yourself.

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The Joy Formidable - The Greatest Light is the Greatest Shade

this childish hear won’t wait

it dances

keeps me awake

to think on to think on

you’re the greatest light the greatest shade

it means that

i can be happy for you

happy for you…

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Jeff Mangum - My Dream Girl Don’t Exist

When you are home by yourself on a rainy October afternoon and letting the self pity and loneliness and mourning of the loss of many things (some that you may or may not have the right or the reason to be mourning) creep in inch by inch and you’re feeling all this despite a great number of recent personal victories (some so big they will change just about everything) and the great amount of love and support flowing your way and maybe you’re just getting too much into your own head because it’s too fucking quiet and so you put on Neutral Milk Hotel with the volume almost all the way up and dance around your living room and move your body until there’s nothing really left in your head at all… make sure you stop (maybe just for a second) when this song randomly pops into the rotation and really, truly, start to understand that jeff mangum is a fucking poet and that you’re probably, in the end, going to be just fine.

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My dear, I fear that by the time you return the leaves will have all changed their shade and shed themselves and we might be strangers again.

My dear, I fear that by the time you return the leaves will have all changed their shade and shed themselves and we might be strangers again.

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Gotye (feat. Kimbra) - Somebody That I Used To Know

9.12 (Backlog/ReWork)

This end is so loathsome

and unforgiving sometimes

that I find I cannot break away from it

for long enough to actually

feel the plausibility

of you not in my system,

no longer coursing through my veins.

The idea of you as a stranger

haunts me like a constant ghost,

for how do I exist in this life

not knowing you.

With it no longer relevant

how you like your coffee or

the way you’d readjust against me

in bed if I couldn’t sleep

and couldn’t stop moving.

All the little things that get overlooked

when you fracture a life.

The way one functions

separate of another.

The way these things

become my things

and your things

instead of our things.

The loss of rights to information-

How was your day

What did you see

What did you learn

Who did you meet-

All the minutiae

that builds the knowing

of someone,

of you

the one

that once was the only one

who felt like the only home

I’d ever need,

The last stop I’d ever make.


(and I can’t decide what it is that

hurts the most about our

circumstances-

that all of the above might

someday be our truth

or the possibility

that it’s come so far

that we already

know nothing of each other

at all)

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The Civil Wars - I’ve Got This Friend

 this is for you.

for the skin stretched taught across your hip.

for your bottom lip.

for the way i curve, like a girl.

for nothing. and everything.

for this need. this need.

to span a distance.

to bridge a gap.

to reach a hand, however futile,

and against better judgement.

to ease this lonely, hurting, selfish heart.

to ease…


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Lower Dens - I Get Nervous

You are waking  up

in this, the only city you have ever truly known,

your home,

and it has changed.

Just slightly. In some subtle, immeasurable increment.

The buildings are all there, glinting in the silvery sunlight.

The air is still sweet and heavy with the scent of summer-

Wet dirt, hot concrete, the flowers in the planters, the Mexican bakery on the corner.

The route to work is the same lights. The same traffic lulls.

The graffiti at the bridge. The burnt chocolate smell over the river.

But it is different.

Across the city someone else is waking up

in this, their city,

their home.

And maybe it has changed too.


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Girls - Summertime

Inexplicably, this summer has been a very nostalgic one for me- emotionally, fashion-wise, and musically. An angsty return to dark nights with a dark head and overindulgence, cut off jeans shorts and plaid with the sleeves rolled, and bands that sound like this.

Hello, 1999, you old friend…

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Johnny & June. It Ain’t Me, Babe.

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